Friday, February 17, 2012

Sneak Peek at a passage from WIP

Thought I'd let folks get a look at just a bit of the novel I'm editing, tentatively titled Reflections. As it's still a draft, the wording may end up changing slightly.

This is the first time that Sarah and Jack meet. (They become the parents and grandparents of Eleanor and Cassidy respectively. All are important characters, but Eleanor and Cassidy are closer to being the "main" characters.)

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Sarah stood on a slab of golden rock. A few yards from her feet, the rock fell away in a cliff that cut back toward her, as if she were standing on the deck of an enormous ship. Overhead was an intensely blue sky full of puffy white clouds. It was hot, but not humid, at least not for a girl from Toledo. She looked across Kings Canyon to the sheer red rock of the opposite wall. It had been a good, invigorating hike. She was glad she had outdistanced the tourists behind her on the trail, moaning about sore knees and thirst. Even the occasional Australian accent did not make it worthwhile listening to that sort of thing. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, soaking in the sunshine.


She heard footsteps on the rock, off to her left, and then heard them stop. She looked left and saw a man. He was tall and broad-chested, with muscular legs -- now that's what a hiking partner should look like! -- and coarse black hair. The hair, and the man's khaki-colored T-shirt, were soaked with sweat, but the man showed no discomfort. At the moment, indeed, he looked positively joyful. He was staring at her. When she raised her eyebrows, he blushed.

[confusing-without-context bit deleted]


Jack stared at the girl with the long red hair. The girl looked as if hiking up a mountain was trivial, a warm-up. She looked ready for anything. She radiated energy, vibrated with it. Jack could imagine her hacking through a jungle, or grasping a handhold and reaching down to help a companion up a cliff. He could go anywhere, do anything, with a girl like that.

She seemed to be waiting for him to speak. Jack tried to think. He tried to remember his name. He had to do something, before she lost interest. He opened his mouth and heard himself say, idiotically: "Do you come here often?" . . .

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That's all for now!

14 comments:

Three Hoodies Save the World said...

A few passive verbs but the description are good. I'd like to see more.

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